Pure. Genius.

So, a little while back I had a campaign video from Meg Whitman up, a video that got me pretty riled up.  In contrast, here's a video from Jerry Brown, and I just can't stop laughing.



Less than a week to go.  Vote, and make your voice heard!

For him, I mean

He spent his last year, tired and tried.
I often looked at him, seeing wisdom
Evaporate from his droopy eyes.
These were not the hands that held me in the pool.

He spent his last year slowly dying
In front of our invisible eyes.
He sat in his chair, covered and sleeping;
I thought he wasn’t long for this world.

I didn’t mean next week.

We sat around his hospital room singing happy birthday,
(This wasn’t supposed to be her present.)
Gathered in our familial way,
Full of bodies but not all souls.

He was sleeping again, as he had all week?
The word “surreal” wandered into my vocabulary.
I said a prayer of comfort and kissed his cheek.
I think I was exhausted.

All I wanted was peace.

Taking a moment to disagree

I was a little surprised to find myself watching Fox News today.  I have to say, I feel a little dirty.  I can't stand how one sided Fox News can be.  I can't stand how the shows are just a collection of yelling heads not talking to each other.  I can't stand how Fox News watchers find themselves less informed on issues than if they had picked almost any other news source.


And yet... I watched Fox News today.  OK, I'll be slightly more accurate and say I watched a few clips on the internet from Fox News, which was inspired by reading a news story about the firing of NPR's Juan Williams following comments on The O'Reilly Factor.  As I read the article, something seemed incongruous in the actions of NPR after the comments he made.  So curious, I decided to venture to the Dark Side for a bit, and I watched the clip of the show that contained the comments.

Now, watching The O'Reilly Factor was mostly what I expected.  A few folks on for commentray that don't really get to say much for all the interruptions.  Really, it's a show of mostly iterruptions.  That's why I was curious: did Juan Williams have more to say?  In essence, my question was really: are we (and NPR) so quick to jump on bigotry that we take quotes out of context?

Here's what I saw: Mr. Williams made a statement that, at best, was ill-advised.  He made the mistake of telling the truth in a personal manner.  But I could tell as I watched that there was more he was trying to say, and that's where the format of the show does a disservice to its viewers.  He did say later in the show (or tried to say) that we can't allow for those biases we initially feel to rule us, and we shouldn't take an experience with a minuscule segment of a population (terrorists) to interfere with our day-to-day interaction with other members of that population (Muslims).  He reiterated that today in another appearance on Fox News.  He went on to say that

But that's the failing of the format of the show: his initial statement was let said quite clearly, and his later addendum was cut of numerous times by either Bill O'Reilly or the other panelist.  Did Mr. Williams try to make a point about interacting with people beyond experience based on fear and appearance?  Yes.  But, did Mr.Williams frame his point in the right way?  No.  So, Mr. Williams was fired.

I don't know that I've heard anything on NPR by Mr. Williams.  But I do know that I'm less inclined to give them money following this action.  How can we be for freedom of speech if we disallow those who disagree with us from speaking?  How can we be for justice and compassion when silence voices that are trying to be heard?  How can we hope to overcome fear of others and have a conversation about finding the right way to move forward when we push aside those that may struggle with it?

What an excellent opportunity for NPR to start a national conversation.  What an epic failure on the part of NPR to take an opposite course of action.

Well, I suppose NPR did start a national conversation.  Just not that one we might have been better served by.

A story today

A man works hard in his village, and has to go to the well to get his water.  He carries them in two jars balanced with a beam across his shoulders, as he has done many years of his life.  One jar is full and complete, but one is cracked.  The cracked jar felt ashamed for his performance, and decided to speak to the man about it.  "After all these years," he said to the man, "why have you continued to use me?  I cannot supply all that you need at home."  The man look at the jar and replied, "When I go tomorrow to get water, look back at the path we walk along."

The next day, the man again drew his water from the well.  On the journey back, he again spoke to the jar:  "Look down on your side of the path.  What do you see?"  The jar looked down to see vegetables growing along his side of the path, and none on the other side.  Then the man said, "See what has happened.  I knew you could not carry all that was needed at home, but I scattered seeds along your side of the path.  These vegetables help provide for my family.  How could they have grown without your crack?"

This story was given to us at the beginning of out Spiritual Disciplines class today, and it resonated with me in a way that was somewhat unexpected.  It's an interesting idea to think of all the things we have done in our lives, all the people we have touched, without knowing what we have done.

I didn't think much of the words that my manager spoke to me as I left Walmart.  She said to me that I had touched the lives of the people at that store, and to no forget that.  Here is another reminder for me.  I liked to think of myself as a manager that I hadn't experienced much before.  I wanted to be open for my associates to come to me with their own concerns, and they did.  Major events happened in my time as assistant manager, eventually I think for the better of the store, that I wonder if they would have happened if I had not been there in that capacity.

I still miss the fun I had with my associates.  While I knew it was time for me to move on from Walmart, it was the joy I found in the people I worked with that made it such a hard decision for me to take.  And yet, I have moved on to something else now for the better of me, which is something I was not doing while at Walmart.

Sometimes it's OK to let go of things you hold close when you know in the end it will be better.

TV ads tend to just aggravate me...

I voted this past week.  Absentee balloting is just one of the best inventions ever created.  I'm all about sending in my paper ballot, but I'm really waiting for online voting to become viable.  Everyone knows I love technology. But that's not why I'm writing.  Instead, I want to put forth that the top of my ballot contained a mark in column for Jerry Brown for Governor.  I say this not because I expect other people to follow my example, but because I am so relieved I made that choice.

I don't watch television anything like I used to.  In fact, I really only watch live sports on TV, or perhaps a very important news event.  Part of it is that I feel like I can find better things to do with my time than just let the television tell me what my time-spending options are, and part of it is that I can't stand commercials.  Especially ones like this one, seen during today's Niners-Raiders game:



Now, I'm highly supportive of our law enforcement officers.  I am happy to pay the part of my taxes that goes to pay their salaries.  They are not my problem with this video.  No, Meg Whitman has chosen these cops to convey her message: the death penalty is awesome.

Isn't that the message you get?  It's a flashy commercial, with quick cuts, panning shots, and flashing lights.  It's an action commercial.  And in just 15 seconds, she uses these law enforcement officers to smoothly tell you that the most important reason they can think of to vote against Jerry Brown is because of his "real story": Jerry Brown opposes the death penalty. ("Even for cop killers!")

I've actually spent the last few days thinking about the death penalty.  It started with a Newsweek article from a few weeks ago.  Money quote:

The government, GOP politicians suggest, can’t run a three-car funeral. It’s unaccountable, intrusive, and has too much power to revoke people’s rights. But when it comes to the ultimate right—life—these same conservatives almost invariably view the government’s actions as flawless and not subject to review even if injustice surfaces. Who’s arrogant now?

Indeed.  The article raises such an important question:  What happens when we execute an innocent person?  Additionally, I'm left to wonder: how many innocent people have we already executed?

That question led me to another article mentioned in the Newsweek story, this one from The New Yorker.  This is the story of Cameron Todd Willingham, written last year.  I warn you, it's a long read, but I guarantee that you'll never look at the death penalty in the same way again.

Full disclosure: before reading these, I was already a staunch supporter of abolishing the death penalty.  I think that there is no reason to take anyone's life, via war, crime, or death penalty.  I think that anyone that commits a crime currently deemed death penalty worthy should instead sit in a cell for the rest of their lives, not able to be freed.  The death penalty takes someone's life, but additionally allows for someone to escape guilt (should they have any).  I think the death penalty is no deterrent, especially for people like gang members or drug cartels.  Don't they face death every day in their life?

So, it's not hard to get me started down this direction, but I wasn't quite fired up about it until today, when I saw the Meg Whitman ad.  In California, we almost had an execution a few weeks ago, stayed only by the hand of the court in allowing more time to decide if the new method of execution is the constitutionally right way to do it and the expiration date of the drugs involved in the lethal injection.  So it's no surprise to me that this issue has made it onto the airwaves and into the gubernatorial debate.  And I want to ask Meg the question: what happens when the state executes an innocent person?  How do we rectify the situation?  What are you going to say to the families involved of the deceased?  How is any apology going to make up for the most enormous error on our part?

I say our part, because it really is our choice.  We, as residents of the state of California, currently as the state to perform functions in our stead, functions we are unable to complete on our own.  We do this in full knowledge that the state is operating on our behalf.  Sometimes this is good (roads!).  Sometimes, this isn't (execution).  Don't we worship "We, The People" for a reason.  It is a government of us, by us, and for us.  So when the state does something, really it is the "We" of the entire state doing something.  The next time the state executes a person, we have killed a person.  The next time the state executes and innocent person, we will have murdered an innocent person.

Can you live with that?  I can't.

I can't abide lacking compassion for the downtrodden, even those who may have slighted us in the worst ways.   I can't abide disregarding the importance of life everywhere, for everyone.  I can't abide love taking backseat to vengeance and hatred.

I voted for Jerry Brown for many reasons.  I don't claim him to be the perfect choice.  I don't claim to be excited about choosing him.  But I am satisfied today in the vote I made because I choose life and love, and I couldn't abide myself if I had done otherwise.

Spiritual Disciplines Class

Today, we had discussion from the following questions:

Consider a form of social injustice that concerns you. What would be required to say "no" to this injustice? What "yes" would be tied to the "no"? Reflect on what this yes and no would mean for you as an individual, as a family, as a group or community.

We all had our pet injustices.  It seems funny to have so many to choose from that it's hard to decide, but sad all the same.  How do we decided what to devote ourselves to?  I am one person, I have only limited resources and time to spend, and even if I lived it 24 hours a day, I still couldn't accomplish all I would want for every issue I felt was important.

Caroline, our visitor from TCU thinking of coming to PSR, had an excellent point: we create these injustices by telling ourselves we deserve something based on our own background, but other people don't because they don't come from where we come from.  Indeed, a common element in the stories chosen by each of us was social injustice based on out individual backgrounds.

It's hard for us to consider sometimes where others are coming from.  I noted that often times, when I hear arguments for or against gay marriage (my own pet social injustice issue), they are framed in the sense of straight people.  How will gay marriage affect the institution of marriage as a whole?  What will society be like for straight people when gays marry?  I think this is a false line of questioning.

Well, I suppose it's really not a false line of questioning, just questions framed in the wrong way.  My difference: how will gay marriage affect gay families?  How will gay marriage affect the children of the marriage?  I've seen so often these commercials asking how gay marriage will affect the institution of marriage.  I don't see commercials of gay and lesbian families, defying conventional beliefs to call themselves families.  I don't see images of the love and the care that comes from families of all shapes and sizes.

We continued in our small groups with a practice of drawing prayer.  Another practice I had never used, I couldn't help but imagine what I had on my brain: the Giants.  I drew a diamond shape, and surrounded it with red and blue, filling the middle with green.  I wrote victory in orange and black, but it wasn't for the Giants (well, it mostly wasn't...).  Instead, in the blueness outside the diamond I made a rainbow, for it is National Coming Out Day, and I look to victory as when we no longer need to celebrate this day.

I deserve to not have to dedicate one day to coming out, and so do you.

Rule of Life

Throughout my life I have often not considered myself a religious person. Despite that, I have often considered myself a spiritual person. Now that I have come to seminary, it is important to me to meld these two concepts, not forcibly, but in an amicable way that will result in growth and fulfillment in both measures.

So how do I do this? Well, I need to make sure to focus on my spiritual practices during my busy year, using them to keep my life healthy as they have in the past. In addition, I’m going to look to incorporate more theological thought to some of these practices, enriching my life in a religious way as well.

What are these practices, and how might I use them?

1. Stay connected to my family. My family has always played an important role in my life, whether near or far. Staying connected to my family keeps me grounded in my roots in life, and provides an excellent level of support that I cannot get anywhere else.

2. I listen to music. Music has always been an influence in my life, starting from an early age. While I always look for a sound to groove to, I have more recently been finding meaning in songs I hadn’t thought would be meaningful before. As I move forward through seminary, I look forward to finding meaning in new music and old alike to grow for myself and share that meaning with others.

3. I follow sports. Sporting events have been a defining part of my life since an early age, instilled in me from both of my parents. As I write this I am listening to a San Francisco Giants baseball game, but I also follow the San Jose Sharks, the San Francisco 49ers, and the Nebraska Cornhuskers. In every instance, I have someone I can consort with to create a sense of community, and sometimes that might be strangers. There is joy and pain in sports like there is joy and pain in life, and well all celebrate or commiserate with each other in sports as we should in every other aspect of life, so I cannot think of a better example of camaraderie to follow.

4. I write. Sometimes I write papers, sometimes I write poetry, and sometimes I write free form. Each time I write I’m given a chance to express myself in a way that I might not be able to do orally. Sometimes it may not be in the most interesting way I find, as in writing papers for school, but that will help grow my knowledge. Poetry and free form allow me to have a cathartic release of what I am thinking and feeling so that I might go forth aware of my inner self.

5. I cook for others. Many of my efforts are individual in some sense and communal in another. This is another great example of this, for in my individual efforts I find figurative and literal sustenance for myself and others around me.

6. I listen to nature. This may not be a practice I pay attention to as much as I should, but it important to me all the same. This is the spiritual blessing that has always stayed with me, and shown me the way. I observe what the world is telling me, and react accordingly. Sometimes it may be as small as a bird at the window, or sometimes it might be in a more majestic location, like the ocean or the woods. But nature is always there, and always will nurture me.

These are the things that keep me going. You may notice that there isn’t a real “church” event or some sort of religious experience. That doesn’t mean I don’t have one to add, but more it means I just haven’t found the right one to add yet. I am still trying to find the right church for me, and I will continue that search throughout the semester and year. And yet, a great option may be right here on campus: Tuesday morning chapel. The more I experience it, the more I would like to get involved in that. Alas, the planning sessions are Monday during our marathon classes. However, there’s always next semester.

On a roll...

In our spiritual disciplines class today, we did a lectio divina centered on Psalm 139:1-12.  It was an interesting experience , which resulted in reading the scripture five separate times and trying to frame it in a different perspective each time.  It was a new experience, and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Alas, I had a very hard time concentrating, and had to slip out of class soon after we finished because my phone lit up in the middle of the practice.  Plenty of people were trying to inform me how the hearing went regarding the custody of my nieces and nephews, and knowing a response was there made it difficult to focus on what the lectio divina experience was.

As it turns out, the answer is yes, maybe, sometimes, a bit.  While I wasn't there, the synopsis I received essentially came down to this: joint custody still.  However, there's a victory in that.  My sister, on her days off, can take the kids to do whatever she wants in whatever capacity she wants, as long as it is a safe space for them.  So mother gets to see the children as well.  What remains unclear is the status of mother seeing the kids on her own.

He argues she is trying to turn the kids gay.  Or something to that effect.  I wonder how he can question the validity of her upbringing practices, since she raised two children with at least a moderate amount of success, one of which he was married to for a decade.

I awoke this morning to his posting of an article written for Fox News about gay parenting, which he had posted on his Facebook.  I'm not sure exactly what it means, or whether or not it means anything.  It's hard for me to take anything from Fox News seriously, but this quote jumped out at me:

Lesbian mothers reported that their children behave in ways that do not conform to "sex-typed cultural norms." And the sons of lesbians are reportedly less likely to behave in traditionally masculine ways than those raised by heterosexual couples.

And I wonder: isn't that a good thing?  Of course, my perspective is one from a child of a lesbian, so I may be  just a little biased, but what is the traditional masculine way?  Is it the brute jock that demands the head at the table and dominance of others?  Is it the warmongering leader that sends souls to die on a whim?  Is it the greed-infused focus that worships the almighty dollar?  Is it the slave holder, the misogynist, the adulterer?  These are all "traditional" masculine ways.

Is it the bully?

I've been thinking all week about the tragedies we've seen this year resulting from bullying, but I haven't felt a way that the outreach seen really connects with me, or connects with the me that was.  Did I always know things would get better?  Maybe, maybe not, but that didn't stop terrible thoughts from running through my head sometimes.  I know I never saw anyone in which I could truly relate my experience to, despite the vast support of my family, and to some extent, my friends.  It took an experience with meeting a new friend late in high school to show me what life could be like when I believed in who I felt I was, and be comfortable, and that translated well to college (and beyond).  I want to help others, but that was my own way, and everyone's path is their own.

Do I feel successful today, having been raised by a lesbian?  Do I feel like I don't behave in less traditional masculine ways?  Do I support gays in parenting?  Yes, yes, and yes.  Do I think that my mother should have a hand in raising my nieces and nephews?  Well, my sister and I seem to have turned out OK (in a generic sense of the word), so why not?

Ah , but the important question: he's the father, she's the mother.  If his wishes clash with her wishes, who wins?  Well, the joy of joint custody is that on his days, he gets to do what he wants with the kids.  On her days, she gets to do what she wants with the kids.  And if her days involved being cared for by my mother, then it seems to me that is my sister's decision to make on her days, and he has his chance on his days.  Clearly, I'm not lawyer or judge, but in the logical sense of the situation, that's just what seems right to me.

And how does this relate to Psalm 139?  Well, it doesn't.

If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light around me become night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as the day, for darkness is as light to you. (11-12)

Right?