This beginning of this story is written elsewhere on this blog, but here's the quick summary: just over eleven years ago, I sat in my government class as a senior in high school fighting back tears as I explained why I was so upset a ban of gay marriage had passed in California. It was such a moment of despair for me, and I felt so alone in that classroom, as if every one of my classmates were against me.
I have to remind myself constantly these days that laws like this were passed even though same-sex marriage was already unavailable. Maryland passed the first law banning same-sex marriage in 1973, but by 1990, 40 of the 50 states had a law against it. And, of course, in 1996, President Clinton signed the Defense of Marriage Act outlawing federal recognition of same-sex marriage. Then Hawaii courts declared a law prohibiting same-sex marriage to be unconstitutional according to the state constitution. The reaction came quickly in Hawaii and then spread around the country: amend the state constitution to get around the possible unconstitutionality of these laws. Amendments like these have spread like wildfire, a wave sweeping the nation. Every time a measure like this had come for a vote in front of the people, it has passed.
In 2000, there was no state in which same-sex marriage was legal. In only Vermont was there even a place in which the same rights as marriage were given same-sex couples through the invention of civil unions.
And yet, there was hope. Well, at least to me, there was hope. While other nations were starting to make headway towards legalized same-sex marriage, Vermont was really that clue for me, that kernel of hope that something could come along. To borrow from my friend, Howie, that was the whisper that started the wave.
In 2004, the city of San Francisco started issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. Other cities followed suit, and though those marriages were all eventually nullified, the voices were growing. Just a few months later, Massachusetts became the first state to legalize same-sex marriage.
With last weeks amazing effort by the government of New York, there are now six states in which same-sex marriage is legal. Another eight states allow rights equal to marriage to same-sex couples. Do the math, that's thirty six states in which same-sex marriage is not legal. With the passing of Proposition 8 in 2008, California is one of those states in which marriage is not legal (though it was for a time) even though civil unions with equal rights exist. I had friends that day that found the despair I had felt in my classroom so many years ago, and couldn't see how the future contained a place in which same-sex marriage existed.
Some might look at 36 states in which there are no equal rights, or question why eight states can't bring themselves to call a horse a horse and jump to legalized same-sex marriage. But I realized so many years ago, after my experience in high school and again in college as a freshman in Nebraska, that there are outcomes that come against you. There are people who want to keep you in your place and keep that status quo. There are events that conspire to to convince you to give up. It's so hard, but you have to ignore it all and keep focused on that shining light of victory.
Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on.
That is, in sum, what I told my friends then, and what I still say today. Thirty-six states outlawing same-sex marriage got you down? Need I remind you ten years ago, there were no states in which this was legal? Need I remind you of the advance of anti-discrimination laws in the last ten years, or the parents that have adopted because of the changes in laws? No, I'm not in despair of the states that still outlaw same-sex marriage. I am overjoyed that New York has joined the other five states, and I'm ready to celebrate number seven, whenever that comes. Because it will come.
Same-sex marriage may not be the be-all, end-all of equal rights for the LGBT community, but it's another step. Things like this take time, no matter what it is. So rejoice in this step, and then take another. And then another. And when that fight is done, move to the next one, until we are all equal in the eyes of the government, and, more importantly, in the eyes of each other.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Have you been following this story?
A college football player, returning to campus following the death of a friend, was pulled off a US Airways flight last week for not complying with the orders of flight attendants and the captain of the plane to pull up his pants that were sagging low enough to expose his underwear. When I first read it, I thought it was a little bit of a strange story. Are we really making big deals about what people are wearing on airplanes, in San Francisco no less? I understand folks get nervous about security on flights these days, but doesn't it seem a little over the top?
Almost immediately there was a question on the motive of his removal from the flight. Were they attempting to remove him from the flight because they thought he was dressed inappropriately? Were they attempting to remove him from the flight because they thought he was a security risk based on his reaction? Or were they attempting to remove him from the flight because they stereotyped him in the first place, letting his appearance tell a story that didn't match to what was going on.
But then the story deepens with a video posting of the interaction on the plane. From the video, it's pretty clear that he is not doing anything that warrants concern beyond wanting to just get home. According to the witnesses he had already complied with the request of the airline employees, albeit delayed from the timing desired by the airline. So the police arrested him for, among other things, refusing to comply with the orders of the captain and resisting arrest. Given the video, it seems a little odd. I'm having trouble understanding why it had to get taken to the level it was. Unless, of course, you consider that racial stereotypes played a role in the matter.
And then we arrive at today, where there is a report that a man exposing more of his body (in only women's undergarments, as the picture shows) travelling on a plane, where the airline employees ignored the complaints of the customers. From the story: "A white man is allowed to fly in underwear without question, but my client was asked to pull up his pajama pants because they hung below his waist."
The airline can hide behind the company line of "he should have followed the directions of the flight crew." I think there's a certain amount of that in this, but that's not the whole truth. Not by any stretch of the imagination. While the racial motive question was brought up quickly, the evidence is building more and more and more.
This is how trust is broken. This is how peace falls apart. This is how everything that has been gain disappears in just an instance. We can say this is an isolated incident, or that we wouldn't do the same in a similar situation, or that we shouldn't let one (or a few) bad apples ruin it for the rest of us. But none of that does justice to Deshon Marman, or his family, or his friend that passed so tragically a month ago. How easily could this have turned into another situation like the tragedy in the loss of Oscar Grant, a story once again rehashed in the news even as this incident on the plane was happening?
It is incumbent upon all of us to ensure these things don't happen. It is incumbent upon all of us to stand up and say when we see injustice. It is incumbent upon all of us to recognize that this situation could happen in front of us any day, at any time, and speak the truth in those situations. Without everyone recognizing as an individual the role we each play in creating justice in the world, there is still work to do.
Almost immediately there was a question on the motive of his removal from the flight. Were they attempting to remove him from the flight because they thought he was dressed inappropriately? Were they attempting to remove him from the flight because they thought he was a security risk based on his reaction? Or were they attempting to remove him from the flight because they stereotyped him in the first place, letting his appearance tell a story that didn't match to what was going on.
But then the story deepens with a video posting of the interaction on the plane. From the video, it's pretty clear that he is not doing anything that warrants concern beyond wanting to just get home. According to the witnesses he had already complied with the request of the airline employees, albeit delayed from the timing desired by the airline. So the police arrested him for, among other things, refusing to comply with the orders of the captain and resisting arrest. Given the video, it seems a little odd. I'm having trouble understanding why it had to get taken to the level it was. Unless, of course, you consider that racial stereotypes played a role in the matter.
And then we arrive at today, where there is a report that a man exposing more of his body (in only women's undergarments, as the picture shows) travelling on a plane, where the airline employees ignored the complaints of the customers. From the story: "A white man is allowed to fly in underwear without question, but my client was asked to pull up his pajama pants because they hung below his waist."
The airline can hide behind the company line of "he should have followed the directions of the flight crew." I think there's a certain amount of that in this, but that's not the whole truth. Not by any stretch of the imagination. While the racial motive question was brought up quickly, the evidence is building more and more and more.
This is how trust is broken. This is how peace falls apart. This is how everything that has been gain disappears in just an instance. We can say this is an isolated incident, or that we wouldn't do the same in a similar situation, or that we shouldn't let one (or a few) bad apples ruin it for the rest of us. But none of that does justice to Deshon Marman, or his family, or his friend that passed so tragically a month ago. How easily could this have turned into another situation like the tragedy in the loss of Oscar Grant, a story once again rehashed in the news even as this incident on the plane was happening?
It is incumbent upon all of us to ensure these things don't happen. It is incumbent upon all of us to stand up and say when we see injustice. It is incumbent upon all of us to recognize that this situation could happen in front of us any day, at any time, and speak the truth in those situations. Without everyone recognizing as an individual the role we each play in creating justice in the world, there is still work to do.
Friday, June 10, 2011
In Your Eyes
Peter Gabriel is in town tonight. I don't have the $50 for the cheapest ticket for myself. Clearly, we do not have $100 so both Kelse and I could both go. And then she's working tonight anyway.
It's an outdoor concert over on Cal campus, less than a mile from here. In fact, a few hours ago I heard them warming up. Yes, we can here it all the way over here. I thought about walking over to campus and finding a place to sit and just listen.
But then, I thought, how could I enjoy hearing this without Kelse?
"In Your Eyes" is, of course, our song. This version was the one we danced our first dance to at our wedding. It was magical to spend over ten minutes dancing, and inviting others to dance with us, until the entire crowd was sharing the joy of the experience. This song never fails to make me smile whenever I hear it. Ultimate mood lifter.
But I don't think hearing it live tonight while she is working would make me smile. It'd be incomplete. So I'm staying home tonight. We'll get to see him someday, for sure. And we'll dance, again, with everyone else.
It's an outdoor concert over on Cal campus, less than a mile from here. In fact, a few hours ago I heard them warming up. Yes, we can here it all the way over here. I thought about walking over to campus and finding a place to sit and just listen.
But then, I thought, how could I enjoy hearing this without Kelse?
"In Your Eyes" is, of course, our song. This version was the one we danced our first dance to at our wedding. It was magical to spend over ten minutes dancing, and inviting others to dance with us, until the entire crowd was sharing the joy of the experience. This song never fails to make me smile whenever I hear it. Ultimate mood lifter.
But I don't think hearing it live tonight while she is working would make me smile. It'd be incomplete. So I'm staying home tonight. We'll get to see him someday, for sure. And we'll dance, again, with everyone else.
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